IMPEACH GEORGE BUSH!! The Cheshire's Blog

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

The Morning After

For years, now (5 for those of you who want to get nitpicky), I’ve been beseeching the American public to wake up in the hope that they will finally see what an imbecile we have for a president. Now, they finally are … and it’s a little creepy.

As any college student worth his weight can tell you, the party may be a lot of fun, but the day after generally sucks. Now, the political hangover is really starting to kick in and we can’t seem to find anyone with enough aspirin to fix our collective and splitting $500 billion Iraqi headaches.

Just as when anyone wakes up the morning after, we all seem to be worried about the future. We got in a fight with who? Over what, exactly? But, they didn’t have anything to do with the original fight. Aw, shit. Do you think I should go over and apologize to the guy?

We’re finally becoming disillusioned with the White House. We’re starting to realize that the lies we were told at last night’s party are pure bullshit. The lap-dancing hooker really isn’t madly in love with us, the floor really isn’t that great a place to take a nap, and Homeland Security is a complete farce.

Homeland Security. Now there’s a contradiction in terms that rivals Army Intelligence. If we were so goddamned concerned over our homeland’s security, then why did we attempt to sell off middle eastern ports that are crawling with support for terrorism? Why, for that matter, would we lessen our border protection and just stand aside while millions of illegal immigrants flood into our “protected” nation? If these throngs of people can cross over our borders unscathed, then what’s to stop Al Qaeda from going shopping at the Mall of America?

People are finally beginning to wake up to the fact that our president isn’t the patriotic fuck-all that we’ve always thought him to be. It’s no longer funny to see him bungle words, or put on that old “Aw shucks, I’m just an ignorant Texan turd with a lot of money” act. The patriotic hangover is finally starting to make us nauseous, and we now have to figure out a way to get the dead hooker out of the hotel room without causing a scene.

Bush lost any credibility as president when Katrina hit New Orleans. The images will never be forgotten – Bush on vacation playing guitar, then later, flying over the city while thousands of people were drowning. He stood by and did nothing for an entire week and just watched as people died. This was inexcusable.

The creepy part about all this sudden realization is that it’s like watching a horror movie unfold in front of our eyes. We know the killer is lurking nearby, but everyone on TV is pretending that everything is normal. We realize that the “Leader of the Free World” is a moron, it’s scares the hell out of us, and yet we continue to just watch the plot unfold. It’s more than just creepy, it’s terrifying.

I don’t know anyone who gives a rat’s ass about the Middle East – or China, or Russia – purely on a humanitarian basis. Not enough to actually do anything about it, anyway. No, what we care about is, as Mr. Bush clearly stated, “Is our children learning?”

We don’t really care about a shotgun wedding between the United States and Iraq, but we will care about the $500 billion we’ll need to fork over when the Iraqi bill comes due.


Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Ashes to Ashes

Ash Wednesday, 2006: The streets have been cleared, the classic floats have once again been stored for another year at Blaine Kern’s Mardi Gras World, and the controversial 2006 party is over. Six months after Katrina’s flood waters attempted to wipe the earth clean of New Orleans and its deep culture, the city officials have attempted to show that tradition is stronger than any devastation.

There have been many within the New Orleans parishes, who were hoping that the 2006 Mari Gras festivities would be cancelled in order to further accommodate the rebuilding of the city. Thousands of residents are still displaced in the wake of the destruction, and with so many who remain homeless, even some city officials claim that this is no time to party.

To party or not to party has been a matter of controversy ever since Katrina made landfall, last August. Of course, back then, people were more concerned about their survival from one day to the next without the slightest thought about beads and floats. But, don’t think for an instant that the city officials weren’t entertaining thoughts of Mardi Gras Indians dancing amidst the city’s devastation.

Mardi Gras usually generates about 4.5 million during the week prior to Fat Tuesday. And that sort of income is exactly what New Orleans (businesses and residents alike) needs in order to dig themselves out of the watery grave that the levees made it become. Let us not forget what New Orleans is really all about. Yes, the Big Easy is a major US port, and yes, the industry is a huge money-making factor that cannot be ignored. But, moreover, it is a city that exists by the grace of tourist dollars.

New Orleans’ officials knew that if they were to bring back the tourist bankrolls, and thereby allow the city to further get back on its feet, they would have to make the city appear as though the recovery rate is doing just fine. What better way to pull-off this illusion than by continuing on with the 2006 Mardi Gras plans? The tourists never go into the hardest hit areas like the 9th Ward, so to the untrained eye New Orleans looks as though nothing ever happened. What many tourists don’t realize is that the French Quarter and Uptown (Garden District area) were barely touched by the floods, which leaves many wondering where all those horrible photographs came from.

A couple of the major levees which hold back Lake Pontchartrain’s waters hover right over the lower 9th Ward. This is where most of the photos of devastation came from, and this is exactly what the city’s business officials no longer want you to see. It’s just not good for business. Go into the 9th ward today, and it looks like what it has become; a demilitarized zone. Again, the business owners know that you’re not likely to see that end of town, so it’s all about letting the good times roll. Mardi Gras revelers can safely tuck their drunken heads under the city’s wings and pretend that Katrina never happened.

Being a tourist-funded city, the majority of businesses in New Orleans heavily rely upon hospitality workers. These people almost entirely make up the residential zones of places like the 9th Ward and the French Quarter. They are horribly underpaid, and even though there is a lot of tourist tip money to be had during Mardi Gras, some bartenders and waiters in the Vieux Carre walk home from a typical eight-hour shift with less than a dollar in their pockets, during the off-season. These are also the exact people who had no money or transportation out of New Orleans when all hell began to break loose. The people who take care of us when we go there for drinks and laughs; the waiters who serve us the great gumbo; the bartenders who ironically pour our hurricane drinks; the hotel workers who make our beds and clean up after our slovenly selves were the exact same people we all saw gathered around the Superdome on TV, and a great many of them died in the floods.

Still, these are the people who represent the heart and soul of New Orleans, along with her cryptical, confutable and often controversial heritage. Most of them are the good folks who put the mints under your pillows and the extra shots in your glass. And, even though it’s in the nature of the typical New Orleanian to be extremely cordial (New Orleans has always had a reputation for offering the absolute best in the hospitality business; Southern hospitality is not completely lost amidst the city’s controversy), tourists should know by now that it all comes with a heavy price tag. It’s through these prices for outstanding hospitality that New Orleans has continued to thrive amongst a South that is otherwise made up of the poor and uneducated. Quite an accomplishment for one city, when one takes a serious look at the rest of Louisiana economy. This in itself should bear the up-by-the-bootstraps trademark of a people who care about their city and their culture.

C.S. Lewis once said, “Hell is a place where everyone has a complaint, and makes it ceaselessly.” With this quote in mind, the controversy surrounding this year’s Mardi Gras festivities should be put aside in the hopes that the tourist money will do what FEMA and other government agencies neglected to do; provide the residents of New Orleans with the necessary funding to rebuild their great city. Instead of debasing supporters of the 2006 Mardi Gras, people who truly care about New Orleans should be sinking money into the heart and soul of the city, its workers. It is through them that the city will be rebuilt to its former glory, not in the worries over political corruption and mismanaged funds.

Ash Wednesday is the polar opposite from Fat Tuesday’s decadence. It marks the beginning of Lent, which is a time of atonement. It is a time when we are to make a fearless and moral inventory of ourselves. Whether you hold faith to Catholic dogmas, or not, the 2006 season of Lent should be exactly that; a time to take a break from the self-justifications, the complaints, the blames and accusations of others, and instead take a good and hard look at ourselves. This is not an easy feat to accomplish in our contemporary accept-no-blame culture, but without self-atonement there can be no forgiveness; without forgiveness there can be no progress, without progress New Orleans may well become nothing more than a swamp with a lot of good memories.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.


Sunday, February 19, 2006

Jesus Cartoon Sparks Angry Protest

In what can only be compared to a Stryper concert gone horribly awry, thousands of angry Christians marched on Minnesota's state capital late last night. Vexed by a cartoon published by the Cheshire’s Blog (click link for sample) in a recent article (click link for article), which depicted Jesus, the Christian’s lord and savior, as a peace-loving flower child. The mob demanded an immediate apology from Alan Gray of the Cheshire’s Blog,, Minnesota state representatives, and the devil himself.

When asked about publishing the cartoon, Alan Gray, author of the offending blog, only stated that the image depicted Jesus smiling and showing the peace sign (click link for sample). “I didn’t think the Christians had anything against peace,” claimed Gray, “I don’t see the problem, here.”

“We ain’t got nothing against peace, per se,” said Billy Bob McGee, self-appointed leader of the protest, “it’s just that that darned cartoon showed our loving lord and savior as a hippy with two fingers pointed toward Our Heavenly Father, per se. Everyone knows that a hand gesture like that can only mean one thing; the sign of the devil, per se.”

The Cheshire’s Blog has refused an apology, stating first amendment protection. But, as a sign of goodwill, it has agreed not to republish the offending cartoon (click link for sample). However, in an attempt to give the reader an idea of what the commotion is all about, please observe the following cartoon (click on the image for a larger view):

Singing hymns while brandishing lighter fluid and crosses, the Christian Rebellion Against Bad and Satanic Symbolism (CRABaSS) threatens that if an apology is not given by a February 19th deadline, consequences of major proportions will follow.

“We ain’t messin around, here,” read a CRABaSS statement slipped under Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty’s door. “We’re in this for the long haul, and if’n that ‘pology ain’t made by tomorrow night, someone’s gonna pay ... per se!”

When asked the question as to what the republican governor had to do with the offending cartoon (click link for sample), Billy Bob remarked, "Well, it's sorta like that whole 911/Iraq reason that President Bush gave for invading that god-awful country, per se. If'n that Pawlenty fella wants to keep company with the likes of obviously anti-Christian folks like Alan Gray, per se, then we're gonna ..." At which point the reporters stopped listening. Governor Pawlenty could not be reached for comment.


Saturday, February 18, 2006

The Jesus Cartoon

Not to be outdone by anyone (least of which Danish people - are they human, or are they pastries?), we here at the Cheshire’s Blog would like to start our own little social experimentation. If the Danish can get away with pissing off millions of Muslims throughout the world, the Cheshire’s Blog would like to see just how far we can push the Christian community over the edge of sanity.

With that said, we now present the Jesus Cartoon:

Thursday, February 16, 2006

FEMA's Trailer Park

Ok, so if I have this correctly, General Richard Skinner, Department of Homeland Security Inspector, has advised that the 11,000 trailers, which are currently sitting empty near the Hope Municipal Airport in Hope, Arkansas, (apparently the Southerners, who lost their homes are too busy with Mardi Gras parties to have asked for housing accommodations just yet), are badly damaged. “Insofar as many of these homes fail to meet FEMA specification requirements, or FEMA has no qualified prearranged site locations to place them, they may have to be disposed of.” Said Skinner

News crews have not been allowed on the site until the other day, when John McDermott, FEMA spokesperson, finally walked camera crews through the vast landscape of metal homes and told reporters that the homes are actually in perfect condition. Of course they are sagging a bit, due to the fact that they’re sitting on Arkansas’ apparent soft soil, but FEMA brought in 6,500 jacks to fix the problem, and they seem to have done the job. Imagine that! FEMA saw a problem and actually fixed it!

FEMA site manager Jerry Hall said that there “are no damaged trailers here … none.” He also stated that the Homeland Security inspectors spent all of half an hour on the over 300 acre site, and then went back to Washington with the news that the mobile homes were falling apart at the seams, and not fit to be habitable by nutria. (Nutria: you good folks from Louisiana know what I’m talking about!)

Why not just move the trailers to their intended destination in the Gulf? Well, according to McDermott, he doesn’t know. He said, “that decision largely depends upon finding sites on which to put them.”

I have a suggestion: How about putting them anywhere the damned hurricane damaged people’s homes? I’m pretty sure that the victims of Katrina; whole families who are either living on the streets or perhaps lucky enough to still reside in state run shelters, while attempting to contend with the loss of neighbors and loved ones, would be more than happy to have a place to call their own, no matter how temporary. Perhaps the metal homes will give these poor bastards some hope, while being defrauded by their home insurance companies.

Keep in mind that with the approach of Spring, and with it tornado season in Arkansas, FEMA’s claim to Homeland Security Inspector General that the homes are in perfect condition may not last very long; jacks for the sagging homes, or not. Don’t forget that tornadoes seem to have a taste for mobile home parks, and the 300 acre mobile home park in Arkansas is no exception.

Just imagine for a moment the kind of new disaster in the making: Metal debris from 11,000 trailers flying through the air, thereby creating one of the worst tornado disasters ever. Perhaps even creating something so large as an F5 twister. Then, Homeland Security can once again make claim that FEMA’s incompetent management, and their refusal to do away with the trailers when the Inspector General specifically told them to do it, will slam the final nail in a coffin that has been meant for FEMA all along.


Tuesday, February 14, 2006

The Most Dangerous Man in America

Oh, sure. He may look cute and cuddly on the outside, but peel away that fuzzy exterior and Dick Cheney is a nothing more than blatant serial killer. The following collage just goes to show that you don't need to go hunting with Big Dick to ensure your untimely demise.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Advice for the Would-be Blogger: Say Something!

The mainstream press would have us all believing that the blog world is filled with teenage morons, who would rather bore us to death with online journals, or half-witted crackpot journalist wanna-be’s, who have nothing better to do with their time than to create conspiracy theories against their particular government. While this may be the case with some blogs, it tends to be the exception rather than the rule.

It takes all of about ten minutes of cruising through the various blogs found at blog servers like to realize that we Bloggers have much more to say than how our day went, who’s dating who, and the typical water-cooler office chat. As for the conspiracy theories, well, I imagine that this form of communication is where the conspiracy theories might originate. By definition, a conspiracy theory is a supposition of an unexplainable event, filled with half-truths and sometimes wild guesses.

The reason these theories abound is because so much information is being withheld from the public. Whether it’s about the JFK assassination, UFOs, or perhaps even the factual grounds behind the invasion of Iraq (oil and total control of middle east trading), these conspiracy theories flourish because they provide a way for people to make sense of an otherwise nonsensical world.

In a letter dated February 2nd, 2006 and signed by its Director of Policy, the NSA revealed that it has contracts with at least two of the mainstream press wire services, Reuters and Associated Press (AP), and that the information received from these wire services could not be released to the public. In part, here is what the letter said:

“Information provided to NSA by Reuters and AP is protected against disclosure pursuant to 5 U.S.C. Section 552(b)(4). The NSA contract with these companies precludes our release of this information. Violation of these contracts could prevent the government from obtaining similar information in the future.”

This in itself should go to show that the major media conglomerates cannot be trusted to provide the public with truthful information, and so it is small wonder that people will come to their own theories about the truth.

Most Bloggers hold no association with the NSA, nor any other information withholding organization. This disassociation allows Bloggers to speak the truth as they see it, and it allows the readers to get a more truthful account of what is happening in the world. This is why blogging is so vitally important to the world, and why the mainstream media would have the naive public believe that it is something entirely opposite to its nature; it’s a matter of competition through and through.

So, I suppose what I’m trying to advise here is that, if you’re entertaining the thought of creating your own blog, please do so responsibly. Don’t chit-chat the blog away by telling your readers about your day in traffic on the way to work, or waste your reader’s time with information about your particular office politics. You can keep a personal diary for such drivel that only matters to you. Say something with your blog.

Don’t make the organizations like the NSA our only source for the truth. I’m not saying that Bloggers should simply pull half-truths out of their collective asses, but instead they should really SAY something when blogging. Blog about what’s happening in the world as you see it. Blog about the information given to us, after you’re able to read between the NSA corrupted lines. If you’re able to obtain raw news before it is released to the mainstream, make that information public so that the mainstream media won’t have a chance to undermine its validity before they get their hands on it.