IMPEACH GEORGE BUSH!! The Cheshire's Blog: America the Tiny

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

America the Tiny

Odd, how it’s the little things in life that seem to make the biggest differences. An old adage to be sure, but one that bears the dignity of becoming something of a mantra in these days of over-consumerism. Certainly in my life, anyway. I’m dreadfully guilty of unnecessary consumerism; from too many DVD purchases to those absolutely ridiculous Mini Life Savers. What’s the point to Mini Life Savers, anyhow? When did regular-sized Life Savers become too burdensome for our mouths?

“Life Saver?” someone might offer.

“Oh, gads, no!” you’ll reply, “I’ve just finished dinner! Do you want me to explode?!”

But I’m just as guilty because, while standing in a checkout line to purchase another equally preposterous item of luxury, I’ll see something like Mini Life Savers and think, “Hey, that’s pretty cool! Why hasn’t anyone thought of this sooner? I gotta get me some of them!” Only to chastise myself later for my blatant disregard for mass consumerism, and falling victim to yet another sleazy ad campaign disguised in innovative packaging.

Besides, Mini Life Savers are just stupid.

I think the reason that we (and apparently I’m not the only one, here, folks … they wouldn’t continue to market Mini Life Savers if I were the only idiot buying them) pay money for these ludicrous tokens of opulence is because we live in an age when we are attempting to replace the important things in life because, as a rule, we’re just too goddamned lazy to seek out the goodness that surrounds us every minute of everyday. And, if that theory doesn’t grab you, then how about this:

We’re Americans.

Americans have become the world’s fat and lazy uncle that no one wants to have over for dinner anymore because they’re sick and tired of our piggish ways, and the fact that we eat all the mashed potatoes before anyone else can get some. Then, we invariably make rude comments about everyone else at the table, right before we have the shear audacity to ask what’s for dessert. Let’s face it, we’re swine, and yet we don’t give a damn. All we care about is that we continue to have the ability to purchase our Mini Life Savers, and to unabashedly disregard the inviolable fact that the money we spend on the fucking stuff could have helped a child from starving to death in Somalia.

So, what then? Are we to starve right along with the Third World countries just to show our support? Of course not. Cutting off one’s nose to spite one’s face is historically naïve, and has never done anyone any good. Van Gogh comes to mind, by way of example … but I guess that was an ear. You get my point. But, we can start by openly denouncing the Mini Life Saver ad campaigns of the world. We can stop purchasing the things in life that we really don’t need and calling the advertising execs bluff. We can show the world that we really are worthy of an invitation to dinner by giving a shit about what others think of our manners and political conduct. We can … we can …

Ah, hell, what’s the point? People don’t give a shit about anything except who Brittany happens to be banging this week, and where they can find some more of those tasty, little Life Savers.



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