IMPEACH GEORGE BUSH!! The Cheshire's Blog: A Percentage of Stench

Friday, September 02, 2005

A Percentage of Stench

It may very well frighten some people that I’m a regularly surveyed member of the Harris Poll Online. You know the Harris Poll, don’t you? They’re the fine folks who keep everyone else informed as to the inner heartbeat of America by way of showing how we should all think, based upon my opinions. Don’t worry, I’m on your side … as long as you continue to think the way I do.

Anyhow, I took a recent Harris Poll to indicate how I felt about the astronomical gas prices. Now, the first thing you should know is that at the end of these little polls the website always offers up-to-the-moment statistics. This way, you can see how your opinions compare to those of the rest of America. I imagine they do this in an attempt to make you feel better about your own idiotic answers; a form of cheap consolation, as it were.

Generally, I don’t care about this page of the Poll. Being the opinionated bastard that I am, I believe that the only vox populi that matters is my own. One day, I’m sure that Mr. Harris will come to me to say that he has decided to allow mine to be the only opinion, thereby eliminating the need to ask the rest of the nation, because they’re mostly idiots anyway.

Let me give you an example of this stupidity, so you’ll know that I’m not just campaigning for god status on a lark. Let me show you why I have valid reasons as to why I should be your next Ruler and God, Lord Cheshire :::thunderclaps in the near distance::: nice effect, eh?

After I took this most recent survey, the stats page came up and loudly proclaimed that there are indeed some people in America that are under the influence of idiocy. For instance, even though 90% of the poll takers indicated that they car pool to work because of the recent gas hikes, an astounding 13% say that gas prices are “very inexpensive”.

Let me repeat this for those of you reading, who may have been part of that 13%: 90% say that they carpool because they can’t afford gas in their own cars. 13% (which bleeds three whole percentage points into that ninety percentile) say that they could care less about the price of gasoline; that they have no idea what everyone seems to be bitching about. This means, given that 10 of that 13% feel that gas prices are not an issue, there is still another three percent of the population who carpool (and there simply cannot be any other explanation for this) just because they enjoy the after-work stench of other people!

AG

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