IMPEACH GEORGE BUSH!! The Cheshire's Blog: The Theory of Og-olution

Sunday, November 13, 2005

The Theory of Og-olution


The Theory of Og-olution

Now, I don’t want to presume that I know the mind of God. I’m pretty sure that It has a big plan for the lot of us, and I’m almost positive that It knows better than the rest of us what the general outcome of the planet will be. I’m also fairly certain that It has better things to do with Its time than to worry about little old Dover, Pennsylvania, and the fact that they have chosen to oust the proponents of intelligent design from their school board. If you’re a big fan of Pat Robertson, however, you may think differently. Then again, if you’re a Robertson devotee, it’s my humble opinion that you’re one step away from chugging down the Big Cult Kool-Aid, and you’re a different sort of thinker altogether.

Pat Robertson, that cool-headed and ever-so-compassionate televangelist, who is commonly known for making such intelligent remarks as Tinky Winky is gay, and that 9/11 was caused by rampant tolerance of homosexuality in the United States; the same guy who once said that feminism causes women to leave their husbands, abandon their children and practice witchcraft, has now all but called down the wrath of God to the good citizens of the little Pennsylvanian town who finally wised up.

Robertson is quoted as saying, “If there is a disaster in [Dover], don’t turn to God, you just rejected him from your city.” He went on to state that “God is tolerant and loving, but we can’t keep sticking our finger in his eye forever. If they have future problems in Dover, I recommend they call upon Charles Darwin. Maybe he can help them.”

Tolerant? Loving? Which god are you talking about, Pat? Is it the same god that you preach about, when you said last summer that Hugo Chavez aught to be assassinated? Kill ‘em all, and let god sort ‘em out, eh, Patty? Yeah, that must be it. According to your own wisdom, it must be the same tolerant and loving god that killed thousands of innocent people in 2001 because he has so much of that tolerance for homosexuality.

When it all comes down to it, I wonder how it is that our society can openly condemn cult leaders like Jim Jones and David Koresh, yet we are more than willing to sit around and take everything that the likes of Pat Robertson say in stride? Oh, sure, Robertson and his ilk will always pop-off with something ridiculous whenever something major hits the news. Whenever the media reports some big catastrophe, one of his kind (and usually it’s Pat, himself) will start spewing that it’s society’s fault for invoking god’s wrath, or some other such drivel. This sort of thing has been going on since the dawn of time. Historically speaking, we’re no further along on the religious fervor ladder than the cavemen, who thought that lightning struck our huts because we pissed off the gods in some way.

Personally, I’m of the staunch opinion that God did not create man, man created the gods. Why did we create the gods? Mainly it was to quell our fears of desolation, I think. Either that, or we are truly masochistic at heart. In any case, here is my theory of Og:

One fine day, after a night of partying caveman style, Og wearily stepped out of his cave, and cast one bloodshot eye up to the heavens just in time to see lighting strike a tree. The tree exploded, fire was born, and Og passed out. When Og came to, he woke to the sensation of the very first hot-foot, as his children, Ug and Li, had discovered matches while he slumbered.

As soon as his initial panic died down, Og probably had the bright idea that this was caused for a reason other than weather conditions. He probably thought that he had angered some being who was bigger than him by drinking too much and by puking on the cave chick he was trying to pick-up (by the hair).

This immediately led to the feeling of personal responsibility for his actions, which led to Paganism. He started to feel guilty about what he had done, and those feelings led to Judaism. This feeling of guilt led to feelings of inadequacy, so he then invented Catholicism so he could feel better about drinking so much if he confessed his sins to his Personal Savior. Then, having this new Personal Savior seemed to stop the feelings of inadequacy, but then he began to think that he was the only one with God on his side.

So in turn, Og began to think of himself as something of a god, and he then created Hedonism which, of course, led to Satanism. Just as Og was having the final touches placed on his Temple of Og, lightning struck and killed one of his followers. Og felt bad for the guy. He had been a loyal servant and Og started to cry. Compassion was built from this event and thus, Buddhism was born.

This little chain of events illustrates exactly how I feel about god. God is not some great being, waiting for the right opportunity to strike us down. It could probably care less what we do, and more than likely, we are merely happenstance in a chain of events that was caused by the Big Bang. In fact, if there is one identity that most accurately depicts God, it would have to be the Big Bang. All other identities that have been attributed to this being are merely that which we have placed upon Him/Her/It.

I believe in god. I believe that there is a Creator, and that is the primary reason we exist. The fact that we continue to exist today rests solely upon dumb luck. Whether or not this Creator-thing wants or is deserving of worship is another story altogether. Personally, I don’t think it cares one way or the other. I think it has a job to do in creation, a master Lego-builder, if you will, and having already accomplished that, it’s job is done. As for who this Creator is, what It is like, or what It wants from us, that is completely up to the individual culture to decide for itself. Which they do, and all too often.

It is my opinion that God is the simply birthing place of souls. It is also the place where we go after death to be reborn, whether on this planet or elsewhere. There is no Heaven, and there is certainly not a Hell. We answer for our past by our current situations; this is all part of karmic influence.

Though most of us seem to have this overwhelming need to continue worship and to believe in this Thing, I'm not all too sure that it still believes in us. Perhaps It just goes along pumping out and regenerating soul after soul, not really knowing or caring if we worship it or not.

So, I suppose my point is simply this: Tinky Winky is gay, and God just really doesn’t give a shit.

AG

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