IMPEACH GEORGE BUSH!! The Cheshire's Blog: August 2005

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

A Fun Idea for Alan's Obsessive Readers

OK, so I was sitting around the other day, obsessing over how to generate a little more fun into this blog of mine. After no less than two whole grueling seconds of brain storming, I came up with this: Caption This!

Here’s the plan: Every Sunday afternoon, I’m going to post a picture that I happen to think speaks volumes. Then you - yes, you! – get to caption the picture. Just send me your caption idea by copying and pasting the following address into an e-mail: xcheshire333@msn.com (please note: you must remove the “x” from the beginning of the e-mail address before sending. I have placed it there in an attempt to reduce the amount of spam generated by web bots).
Here’s an example of what I’m talking about:

Now, you may ask, what’s in it for me? Is there prize money involved? If I win, do I get an all-expense paid trip to Disneyworld? Will my healthcare insurance provider suddenly reduce my premiums? The answer to these, and many other dumb questions, is no. However, if you submit the winning caption, you’ll get your name in print along with a great big THANK YOU!

So, let’s get started, shall we? Here is your first picture:



I'll be posting the winning caption for this picture on Friday, so don't hesitate.

Have fun!
AG
(xcheshire333@msn.com) – don’t forget to remove the “x”!

Monday, August 29, 2005

God, save me from your followers

Leave it to good old Pat Robertson to start a crusade. His latest verbal faux pas about assassinating Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez must certainly go into the annals of political mispeak along with his other gems, like:

"Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

I wonder if this guy is a staff member for the Bush speech writing team?

AG

Monday, August 15, 2005

The Lost Art of Spitting Blood

Can someone please tell me what the hell has happened to rock and roll? I’m not talking about the music itself, that’s another story entirely. I’m talking about stage productions that brought you to your knees. What ever happened to groups like KISS? These guys gave you a show you’d remember for the rest of your life. Sure, it’s likely you’ve forgotten most of their music, but how could you ever forget Gene Simmons bleeding from his mouth, or spitting fire? If you’re a woman, you’re probably more likely to remember his tongue. Again, that’s another story entirely.

These days, it seems that bands are apathetic towards their audience. It’s as if they just want to do the show as fast as possible, get paid, and get out. They don’t seem to recall the meaning behind the show. Take Smashing Pumpkins, for example. Watching them perform is like watching a fashion show for the living dead. Just once, I’d like to see one of it’s members vomit up a little blood. If they did this (and this is the irony of it all) their devoted fans would think they were the coolest, most original rock band ever. Why? Because their fans are too young to remember groups like KISS.

Along with many Gen Xers, I grew up in adoration of KISS. Not so much for their music, as for their stage antics. KISS came from a long line of rock and roll showmen. For instance, take Little Richard and Jerry Lee Lewis. Take Liberace, for that matter. These were showmen! They understood that you were spending your hard-earned cash for a show, and a show is what they gave you! Jerry Lee set his piano on fire. The Who smashed up their expensive guitars. Elton John… well, who knew what Elton would do at his next performance?

Bands today just don’t seem to have that cutting edge they did when I was dreaming of my first car. I once attended a Primus concert, for which I had waited three hours in line in order to purchase tickets. I paid seventy shells for the opportunity and was treated to not ten, but a full twenty minutes of seeing them on stage. What the hell is that all about? Don’t get me wrong, I loved Primus. I thought they had the potential to actually put on a show, but they didn’t bother with quality entertainment because the fans no longer demanded it of them.

I don’t know, maybe I’m just getting old. I remember my folks saying, ‘you kids don’t know what real music is,’ and now I’m starting to sound like them. I’m beginning to understand what they meant. But, this was never about the music, it was about putting on a show where you thought you wouldn’t survive the adrenaline rush. I mean, sure, Peter Chris’ "Beth" was a beautiful song to his wife (?), but it paled in comparison to witnessing him and the rest of the band, in outlandish make-up and costumes, give a performance to stop your heart. Then again, all this was way back when it was called Show Business, and not the Music Industry.

AG

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Hitler was a Nonsmoker


"I have no attitude without a cigarette." - Lou Reed

I want to rant for a moment about this new – altogether ridiculous – price increase on cigarettes. Look, I’m a smoker. Yes, I know it’s bad for me and, yes, I know that I’m not doing anyone any favors by smoking in public. So please stop infuriating me with all your damned medical particulars and government imposed propaganda as though I’ve never heard it all before. You nonsmoking folks out there, who do this sort of thing, sound like mechanized parrots. It’s not as though I can claim that I was one of the millions of duped folks from the Fifties, who were under the impression that cigarettes were good for us. Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble never hawked Lucky Strikes to me as a child, so I have no excuse for my addiction and I can’t exactly bring about litigations against Hanna-Barbara ... Even though Yogi Bear and The Jetsons seriously screwed me up for life.

In the government’s newest battle against the Evil Tobacco Companies®, they have decided to hike the price of cigarettes up at least another seventy-five cents per pack. Some places have had the shear audacity to charge an additional dollar a pack. My god! Don’t these people realize that we smokers have life and health insurance policies to pay? Coffins are expensive these days, damn it, and funeral arrangements are out of this world!

Seriously, though, everyone knows that smoking is bad for us. But, lest we forget that it is an addiction, it tends to be a habit more difficult to break than alcohol. Seventy-four percent of all smokers who quit eventually return to the drug. If alcoholism is to be clinically categorized as a disease, and alcoholics aren’t made to take swigs in back alleys and designated drinking areas, then why have cigarette smokers been ostracized by today’s society? Why blackball the smoker, when it’s the tobacco companies that are perpetrating the original sin?

Smokers have been completely demonized and have almost no rights in this country, and worldwide. The few rights smokers do retain are being lost on a minute-to-minute basis. There are risks in almost every aspect of life, and I realize that the antismoking campaign (read: socio-political propaganda akin to that of Hitler’s Nazi regime) has been designed to make people think that we are doing away with those risks by way of drowning out the people’s right to smoke. However, bear in mind that in 2004 automobiles killed approximately 42,000 people in the US, whether those people happened to be driving or not. Should we take away cars then? Yeah, that’ll happen as soon as we finally get fed up with paying these prices at the gas stations. By the looks of it, we’re not even close to that extreme. And if you think that alcoholics are only a danger to themselves, and that they’re only ruining their own health because it’s not an airborne contamination, think of those 42,000 auto fatalities again. Almost 17,000 of them were alcohol related.

Also in 2004, the first anti-smoking treaty – the Framework Convention on Tobacco Control – was ratified. This is yet another shining example of how the United Nations intends to control every aspect of the lives of everyone on earth. Action on Smoking and Health (ASH, appropriately enough) is the lead organization in America and it has promised to “concentrate on enforcement efforts.”

Now, it’s 2005, and the ASH has plans for all of us – evil smokers and angelic nonsmokers alike. It plans to “take advantage of a new ruling which now makes it possible for sensitive nonsmokers to sue states which do not provide them with reasonable protection from tobacco smoking pollution.” These suits will eventually cost taxpayers millions, draining vital resources from other more serious needs, such as infrastructure improvements. In California, where these improvements are so very necessary to earthquake preparedness, laws have been enacted to prevent people from smoking on the damned beaches!

Planning on purchasing a condo or moving into an apartment soon? You’d better not be a smoker. ASH intends to encourage and assist lawsuits by apartment and privately owned condominium dwellers who object to neighbors smoking IN THEIR OWN HOMES! This is pure fascism, using the power of the state to prevent people from endangering themselves and others. While I agree that smoking around other people isn’t a very nice thing to do, why impose this law upon me as I sit alone in my apartment? And, all this is happening in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Public Prosecutor. Brought to you by the same fine folks who gave you the McDonald’s Hot Coffee lawsuit of 1994, where an 81 year-old woman was awarded $2.9 million because she spilled coffee on herself – her claim? McDonald’s neglected to place a “Caution: Hot Contents” warning on the cup. Go to any MickeyD’s in the world, now, order a cup of mud and look at the lid. That’s the power of the United States Prosecutor’s office.

OK, I’m done for the moment. You may now resume your daily intake of non-taxed cholesterol and high fructose corn syrup.

AG

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

The Cheshire's New Clothes


Greetings all you RVR Cheshire's Grin fans out there in Internetland!
It may come as a surprise to most of you that someone would actually hire me for a real job, but it's true. I have a full-time gig aside from annoying nice people like yourself, and so I don't have a lot of time in which to care for a daily blog.

However, I promise to attempt to update this thing at least a couple times a week. I further promise to keep everyone laughing, and I'll try to keep the ritual sacrifices to a minimum as well.

AG