IMPEACH GEORGE BUSH!! The Cheshire's Blog: October 2005

Monday, October 31, 2005

The Killing of Halloween

Horrid History

Oct 31, All Hallows Eve. What once served as a spooky New Years Eve tradition for the ancient Celts (which they called Samhain) was ultimately appropriated by Pope Gregory IV in 840 AD to serve as the daylong vigil preceding the Feast of All Saints. Even so, the Christians preserved the pagan festival's spooky trappings anyway. Cunning bastards.

Oct 31, 1926 - Houdini dies in room 401 of Grace Hospital in Detroit. The escape artist was killed by diffuse peritonitis, after having undergone an emergency appendectomy. Contrary to popular belief, the fatal appendicitis could not have been caused by a punch to the stomach.

Oct 31, 1993 - Actor River Phoenix dies of a drug overdose on the sidewalk in front of the Viper Room in West Hollywood. Rumor has it that the lovely and intelligent Christina Applegate "stood there and watched."

Oct 31, 1997 - A Halloween "Hell House" opens in Vacaville, California for the benefit of local youths. Tableaus inside the house include a gay man dead from AIDS, a teenaged "Grunge" suicide resplendent with empty beer bottles, and a bloody mock abortion. The exhibits are operated by the Bible thumpers at Harvest Church.
(thanks to rotten.com)
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The Killing of Halloween

Happy Halloween America, and a very special Halloween greeting to Deer Park, Texas, where Donald O’Brien managed to kill Halloween … and his own son. O’Brien is the reason that kids now trick-or-treat in shopping malls, which really isn’t so much about Halloween as much as it’s just another excuse to shop.

When I was a kid, if someone had told me that I had to forego trick-or-treating in my neighborhood in favor of a trip to a shopping mall, I doubt that I would love Halloween as much as I do today. Some of my fondest memories are from Halloweens past, but there was always the fear that there was some weirdo waiting in the bushes to steal your candy, or a twisted creep would be handing out apples with razor blades or poison candy. The stories were pumped down our throats much in the same way that the media shoves it down now with stories of anthrax, terrorism and the avian flu virus. But, it never happened. We were always careful, of course, but it just never happened.

In any case, I wanted to publish the following article that was originally published yesterday in the New York Daily News.

AG

Read on …

The Man Who Killed Halloween
BY DAVID J. KRAJICEK

Thirty-one years later, the crime still haunts Halloween.

Like millions of other American children, Timothy O'Bryan, 8, and little sister Elizabeth, 5, donned costumes and set out for trick-or-treating at dusk on Oct. 31, 1974.

The children and their parents, Ronald and Daynene O'Bryan, lived in the Houston suburb of Deer Park, but the family was spending Halloween night with friends in nearby Pasadena.

Ronald, a 30-year-old optician, volunteered to shepherd his giddy children and several friends on their candy-gathering rounds.

Later that night back at the house, the O'Bryans and their friends sat around the living room, talking and laughing. Ronald O'Bryan told his son he could eat one last piece of candy before bedtime.

The boy chose a Pixy Stix, a sweet, powdered candy in a straw-like plastic container. When Timothy complained that the candy tasted bitter, his father fetched him a glass of Kool-Aid to wash it down.

Minutes later, Timothy was doubled over with stinging pain in his gut. He threw up then passed out. His parents rushed him to a hospital as his heart raced and his body convulsed. But the boy was dead by the time he arrived.

Victim of a ghoul

The cause of death shook parents and law enforcers across the country: The Pixy Stix had been laced with toxic cyanide. Young O'Bryan had been poisoned by a depraved Halloween ghoul.

Four more of the tainted candies were found uneaten in the Halloween bags of the children who accompanied Timothy, including his sister. One boy had attempted to eat his poisoned Pixy Stix but was unable to remove the metal staple his would-be killer had used to crudely seal the plastic container after doctoring the contents.

Ronald O'Bryan recalled that the Pixy Stix had come from a darkened house. He said he knocked and someone inside opened the door a crack and handed him the five candy straws, which he gave to the children in his trick-or-treating troupe.

But O'Bryan was unable to point out the house for police, and the investigation was stymied early on.

Three days after the O'Bryans had buried their son, an insurance agent tipped police that Ronald O'Bryan had taken out twin $40,000 life insurance policies on his children not long before Halloween. The agent said O'Bryan was oddly secretive about the transaction, insisting that his wife be kept in the dark.

Detectives also learned that the O'Bryans were floundering financially. Their overwhelming debts - a hefty mortgage and installment payments for cars, furniture and appliances they bought but could not afford - had been Ronald O'Bryan's favorite water-cooler gripe with colleagues at Texas State Optical.

In the weeks before Halloween, O'Bryan had been predicting that his financial fortunes were about to change. Colleagues recalled the conversations - creepy in retrospect after Timothy's death - in interviews with investigators.

Police were dumbfounded. It seemed unfathomable that a father would sacrifice a child to catch up on debts.

Cops gave O'Bryan several more chances to find the house at which he was given the poisoned Pixy Stix. On his third try, as detectives drove him around, he finally identified the house. But the owners were investigated and quickly cleared.

Meanwhile, circumstantial evidence began to pile up against O'Bryan. A Texas State Optical customer, a chemist, recalled that O'Bryan had questioned him closely about potassium cyanide, commonly used then as a rat poison.

Where, O'Bryan had asked, can I buy it?

Detectives then searched the O'Bryan home and found incriminating physical evidence: The father's pocketknife blade bore minute specks of both plastic and Pixy Stix candy.

Overwhelming evidence

Ronald O'Bryan was arrested and charged with capital murder for poisoning his son.

He denied it, insisting that he was being railroaded by authorities desperate to solve a crime that threatened to ruin an American tradition.

But a parade of prosecution witnesses, including his wife, helped build a sturdy case against him.

For example, testimony showed that O'Bryan had encouraged Timothy to choose the Pixy Stix as his bedtime candy snack on Halloween night. When another boy at the house tried to eat his own Pixy Stix, O'Bryan dashed across the living room, vaulting a coffee table, to prevent him from doing so.

The Texas jury took just about an hour to convict O'Bryan and 90 minutes more to condemn him to death. He became known in the Houston press as "The Man Who Killed Halloween."

"We were all shocked that someone would kill their own son, their own flesh and blood, for a lousy ... $40,000 life insurance policy," Mike Hinton, the prosecutor in the case, told the Houston Chronicle.

O'Bryan spent more than nine years on Death Row in Huntsville, where fellow inmates gave him their own nickname: "Candy Man." He was known there as smart and well-read - but also as an icy control freak who, despite overwhelming evidence, steadfastly continued to deny any role in his son's murder.

His number finally was called on March 31, 1984.

O'Bryan was led to the death chamber after a final meal of T-bone steak and Boston cream pie.

His final statement did not mention Timothy by name.

O'Bryan said, "What is about to transpire in a few moments is wrong. However, we as human beings do make mistakes and errors. This execution is one of those wrongs yet doesn't mean our whole system of justice is wrong. Therefore, I would forgive all who have taken part in any way in my death. Also, to anyone I have offended in any way during my 39 years, I pray and ask your forgiveness, just as I forgive anyone who offended me in any way."

O'Bryan was then confined to a gurney and subjected to another form of mortal poisoning - a lethal injection of pancuronium bromide, potassium chloride and sodium thiopental.

Originally published on October 30, 2005

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Waiting by the River

Horrid History

Oct 30, 1938 - CBS radio announces that glistening, black-eyed Martians have landed at Grover's Mill, New Jersey. Luckily for the extraterrestrials, the news is announced during a Mercury Theatre program and later discounted as a work of fiction. Needless to say, the event causes widespread panic before the government manages to clamp a lid on it.

Oct 30, 1966 - The Zodiac kills his first victim, 18-year-old Cheri Jo Bates, in the library parking lot of a community college in Riverside, California. Zodiac stabs her to death with a small knife, nearly decapitating Bates in the process.

Oct 30, 2002 - Jason William Mizell, aka Run-D.M.C.'s legendary DJ Jam Master Jay, is shot dead in the lounge of his Merrick Boulevard recording studio in Queens. The masked culprit, who gave Mizell a close-range .40-caliber gunshot wound behind the left ear, remains at large to this day.
(thanks to rotten.com)
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Waiting by the River

"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way."— George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

Good morning America, and a very special good morning to Washington, DC, where the Bush Reich is finally falling apart at the seams. Who’s next on the conviction agenda? Could it possibly be George Bush, himself? Naw, that can’t happen. You can’t pin anything on anyone in the Teflon-coated Bush family. His dad got away with all his crap years ago, so there’s no reason to believe that his little boy should be any different. But ineptitude aside, when it comes right down to brass tacks, this president is the exact paradigm of a marionette. Once the puppeteers are all gone, as seems to be happening to the Bush administration faster than Georgy-boy can say “misunderestimate”, the big W puppet in the Oval Office will simply crumple to the floor. It’s just too bad that it’s happening now, instead of a few years back before so many people had to die at the hands of those puppeteers.

I’ve been saying that the Bush administration is corrupt since its inception. Before he was even elected(?) into office, I recall saying that this guy will have us in a war within the first two years of his term, and I was right. I knew that (even though W has claimed that he patterns his administration after Reagan’s) he would be just like his dad in that he wouldn’t care how the American people felt about his domestic and foreign diplomatic policies, and I knew that he would somehow manage to put our economy in the toilet.

9/11 was a shock for everyone, but it served Bush’s purpose to take out Saddam Hussein and I still hold to the conspiratorial debate that he knew it was going to happen, he just may not have known when it would take place. That famous footage of him reading “My Pet Goat” with those school children on the morning of the attacks has been blasted over and over for his apparent inability to make any form of a decision, or to act as a president should. It shows a man who is possibly in shock, and wondering what to do next. I hold that it wasn’t his renowned ineptness showing in these eight minutes of limbo, but the expression of a man who is thinking to himself, “My God, they’ve actually gone through with it.” They, being the optimal word.

Who are They? While the entire country was up in arms about going to war with Iraq, what our public was misled to believe was that there was a difference between us and the Iraqi regime. It’s my opinion that we have been tied to that government with stronger strings than anyone even knows about. When you’re in bed with the Saudis, you’re also sleeping with all the local governments in that region. When Saddam started to get uppity from being the front man for George Bush, Sr., and then again for little Bush W, he was taken out. In order to do this effectively, W’s administration had to spin a solid reason to convince the American public that they were in the right. An attack upon the United States, such as 9/11, would have been their best bet. This is not to say that I believe our own government killed all those people on that horrible day. However, I do believe that they didn’t do anything about the warnings that it was about to happen, because it would simply serve their purpose.

There is an old Buddhist proverb that says: “If you wait by the river long enough, you’ll eventually see the body of your enemy float by.” I think this is exactly what happened with the 9/11 attacks. In the end, however, this passive-aggressive/cover-up/no-blame attitude has proven to be the administration’s undoing.

AG

Saturday, October 29, 2005

A Very Happy Halloween to All

To my faithful readers:
I just wanted to wish all my readers a very happy Halloween. Forgive me for not recently updating the blog , but I'm trying to concentrate on working with RVR, as I've been on a sort of hiatus for the past three weeks. I'll be updating the blog again within the next day, or so.

Happy Haunting!
AG

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Bush Worried About Government Spending?

Horrid History

Oct 25, 1913 - Birthday of Klaus Barbie, infamous Nazi War Criminal. After World War II, US Intelligence helped the "Butcher of Lyons" enter Bolivia, where he lived openly for many years in the capital, La Paz. Barbie was finally deported to France in 1987.

Oct 25, 1983 - In order to maintain an uninterrupted supply of nutmeg to satisfy global demand, the United States of America invades the Caribbean island of Grenada. The invasion is rationalized as a rescue mission for American medical school rejects stuck in a sleazy offshore diploma mill.
(thanks to rotten.com)
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Bush Worried About Government Spending?

"Our administration is concerned about deficits, and the way they deal with deficits is you want to control spending. And I hope Congress lives up to their words. When they talk about deficits, they can join us in making sure we don't overspend. They can join us and make sure that the appropriations process is focused on those issues that -- those items that are absolutely necessary to the American people. I'm pleased that members of the Congress are talking about deficits. It means they understand their obligations not to overspend the people's money."

President Bush,
Remarks by the President in Photo Opportunity with His Cabinet
Jan. 6, 2003

If you believe that bullshit, read this.

The above linked website puts $87 billion into some perspective.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Monsters Under the Bed


Horrid History

Oct 23, 4004 BC - According to calculations by 17th century biblical theologian James Ussher, God creates the heavens and the Earth.

Oct 23, 1983 - An Islamic Jihad suicide bomber drives a truck loaded with 2.5 tons of TNT into the US Marine barracks in Beirut, Lebanon. The explosion kills 241 American servicemen. Simultaneously, a smaller truck bomb strikes another base in Beirut, killing 58 French soldiers. Even though the NSA has proof that the Iranians are behind the attacks, President Ronald Reagan begins delivering them weapons for hostages only 39 days later.

Oct 23, 1997 - Newborn son of The Artist Formerly Known As Prince dies of complications from a "rare skull deformity." The baby's death certificate fails to name either the father or mother.
(thanks to rotten.com)
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Dearest reader,
It is with great pleasure that I sit back today to play editer, in order to give you a taste of something that my wife has written.
Enjoy!
Alan
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Monsters Under the Bed

by Rachel Gray


I thought to myself, “But I don’t want to die from a flesh eating virus, why does it have to be like this?” Then I thought, “Oh, it doesn’t. It’s just what is being sold to me!”

Imagine. Everything around me is being sold to me. War. Terrorism. Flesh eating viruses. Nuclear war. Evil men. I’m three years old again with scary dark monsters in my closet, and under my bed. Oh my. At least we have something over the victims of the Cold War. 9-11 gave us the privilege of fighting much more than a hallucination. Please someone explain to me, what were we afraid of during the Cold War? Communism? Are you serious?! An idea? Really? Oh sure, our government likes to tell us that it was because they had nuclear weapons. Yet I ask, what was the government busy doing behind our backs while our TV screens and news papers were perpetuating fear? The Communists knew just as well as we did what sending nuclear weapons over here would cause – Total World Annihilation. We knew it. They knew it. No one was going to do it because that is not what anyone wanted. It’s the basic principal of survival.

But now our boogey man is much, much bigger. Why? Because it had to be. We could not once again be led to believe in an Imaginary Boogeyman. We’d learned our lesson. This time the threat would have to be real. And aren’t these new monsters so much scarier! This time our monsters are willing to die for their ideals. This time The Monsters… er, Evil Doers, do not care if they send a nuclear bomb because they have 72 virgins waiting for them in heaven. Now I know that if I had 72 virgins waiting for me on the other side I just wouldn’t be able to wait to die for my cause too. But, the thing is, these men can wait. These men aren’t willing to die for a cause either. You want to know how I know that. Because they’re human just like me. And in my mind I know that no matter how strong my faith, no matter how spiritually powerful I become, there is still that little small whisper of doubt that speaks to me when I least expect it, and it says “what if I’m wrong? What if everything I believe in is wrong? What happens to me then?” The idea that I might actually have to stand before Saint Peter one day and have him condemn me to hell for my transgressions makes my skin chill just a little bit.

To continue, I guess I should explain something. I am a hedonist. Not at pagan. Not a Wiccan. Not an agnostic. Not an atheist. I am a Webster’s dictionary H-E-D-O-N-I-S-T. Hedonist. It means that I don’t acknowledge the God of Christianity, Islam or Judaism. And if you paid attention to what I said before declaring myself a hedonist, you would know that I don’t acknowledge any other gods as my god either. That is not to say that I am God-less. I do believe in a higher spiritual plane of existence. In fact my spiritual beliefs tend to stray towards the Eastern side of being. But my soul says that they haven’t got it right either. I guess you could say that I trudge along my spiritual path alone, solitary in my search for peace and enlightenment. I think many people are out there who are just like me – wanting and needing, and deeply knowing the answers we have been given just are not right. So we keep searching and waiting…

But, like I said, there are those moments in my sleep when I catch just a whisper that says “what if I’m wrong, then what happens to me?” And because the thought that my whole life I could have been wrong about something I believe in so deeply, it frightens me enough that I’m not in a hurry to find the answer. And I also think that our Evil Doers are not in a hurry to find out the answer either. As a human being, there is a small part of me that is more than ok with staying alive and living in the world that I know, just because of the “what if…” factor. What if this is all I’ve got? You know it too, its there in the back of your mind. What if ‘the worms go in, the worms go out’ is all there is at the end? Just because the shade of their skin is darker, or their Savior has a different name, does not mean that they aren’t as scared as we are to die.

But the Fear Machine is forcing us to believe that these men have become Evil Men who are not afraid to kill us. Men who want to become Martyrs for their beliefs and go away to heaven to live out eternity in the arms of 72 virgins. What if we just stopped fighting? What then? Our Government likes to say that if we stopped fighting now they’d only attack us at home. I say, what is the government doing behind our backs that they don’t want us to know about? It must be something pretty big because the monster’s they’ve created are worse then any monster that ever lived under my bed.

(Submitted by Rachel Gray)

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Gramps Is Getting Pissed!

Horrid History

Oct 22, 1844 - Jesus Christ fails to appear to the Seventh Day Adventists, led by Bible scientist William Miller. The Millerites were expecting the End Times to accompany the appearance of the Savior, so that didn't happen either.

Oct 22, 1934 - Notorious bank robber Pretty Boy Floyd dies of multiple gunshot wounds in the back, after a shootout with the FBI at the Conkle Farm in East Liverpool, Ohio.

Oct 22, 1976 - Red dye #4 is banned by the US Food and Drug Administration, because it causes tumors in the bladders of dogs. The dye is still used in Canada. The ban wreaks havoc with the M&M supply.
(thanks to rotten.com)
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Watch Out! Gramps is Getting Pissed!

Well, if "A" is for Apple and Anti-war protests, it only follows that "B" must be for Burt Bacharach. Yes, Burt Bacharach, known to millions for writing such croons as Walk On By, Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head, I'll Never Fall in Love Again, and of course the wildly popular Turkey Lurkey Time, has gone political on his newest album release, At This Time.

The 77 year old composer is quoted as saying,
"You could say 'how does a guy who has written love songs his entire life suddenly decide to rock the boat? I thought that was very important because I couldn't have somebody else write these lyrics."

He added: "I never was a political person in my life. I wrote songs during Vietnam, not about Vietnam. I was just writing love songs. Leading my own life in my own insulated world."

Some of the guests on his new album include the likes of Elvis Costello, Rufus Wainwright, and even rap artist Dr. Dre throws in some drum loops to finish it off.

"I had to do it. This is very personal to me,"he said. And we, here at the Cheshire's Blog, bet that it is. After being an icon of the swinging sixties, winning three Oscars and six Grammys, the only thing left to do in this world of Love, Sweet Love is to start hanging out with Michael Moore and carrying signs demanding the immediate impeachment of President Bush.

Possibly the most political of all the lyrics on At This Time are from a song entitled Who Are These People? which include lyrics displaying Iraqi war disillusionment, such as: "Who are these people who keep telling us lies and how did these people get control of our lives and who'll stop the violence 'cause it's out of control? Make 'em stop!"

So, I say kudos to the old croonster for finally standing up and giving a voice to the geriatric crowd, who has been horribly screwed over by the Bush administration by way of negating their abilities to claim medical bankruptcy and all but completely doing away with Medicaid programs. Watch out Bush and Cheney, Burt Bacarach says no more Mr. Nice Guy. At This Time, grampa's gonna start kickin some ass around here, and it ain't gonna be pretty!

AG

Friday, October 21, 2005

That Nutty Saddam

Horrid History

Oct 21, 1973 - J. Paul Getty Jr's ear is removed by kidnappers and sent to a newspaper in Rome, along with a photo. It doesn't arrive until November 8.

Oct 21, 1995 - Shannon Hoon, lead singer of the pop band Blind Melon, dies of a heroin overdose in New Orleans, inside the band's tour bus.

Oct 21, 1997 - Hotel owners in the Detroit area meet to discuss suicide doctor Jack Kevorkian's practice of leaving corpses in their hotel rooms.
thanks to rotten.com
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Oh, That Nutty Saddam

Well, if he wasn't already a cheif candidate for the Looney-tunes award before now, jail time has apparently made Saddam as such. I mean, the man is obviously unfit to stand trial, and I wonder how soon it will be before the court catches on? On the other hand, I think it is more likely the case that it's all an act of apathy. He knows he's a dead man and that he doesn't stand a chance for defense, so he's acting out in court because he just doesn't have anything more to lose.

Personally, it seems obvious to me that this whole trial is just a circus side show, anyway. Does anyone (Saddam and his lawyers included) honestly believe that the man has any chance in hell of walking away from this thing with his head still attached to the rest of his body? The judge just needs to slam the gavel, pronounce him to be an extraordinary creep, and have done with it already. But, no, where's the fun in that? The courts have to show that, even though Saddam never once gave anyone a fair shake, they must rise above his tyrannical shenanigans and give him a fair trial.

It's a load of crap, if you ask me. Will his defense team somehow produce a glove that doesn't fit? Where the hell is Kato? I'm sure he's just chomping at the bit to get into that courtroom. Someone needs to get on the phone with Kato's agent and set him up with this gig.

AG

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Bloggers May be in Danger

Horrid History

Oct 20, 1947 - Under the direction of Richard M. Nixon, the House Unamerican Activities Committee opens an investigation of communist infiltration of Hollywood cinema. The hysteria in the film industry results in the creation of a blacklist, preventing certain individuals from working in the business for years.

Oct 20, 1977 - En route to a gig at Louisiana State University, Lynyrd Skynyrd band members Ronnie Van Zandt and Steve Gaines are killed when their private plane runs out of fuel and crashes into a swamp in Gillsburg, Mississippi. Their record company MCA withdraws the flame-filled cover art for their ironically-named Street Survivors album.
thanks to rotten.com

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News Bloggers May be in Danger

Good morning Saint Paul, Minnesota! And a very good morning to Tunisia, Africa, where they will holding a United Nations summit next month to debate who controls the backbone of the Internet.

The European Union wants the major control shifted away from the US to a more representative global body or forum, but the US wants to continue its tight grip on the Net and rejected EUs proposals, last month.

Leave it to Minnesota State Senator, Norm Coleman, to introduce a Senate resolution on Monday that called for the Bush administration to oppose any suggested changes to the way the Net is run at the upcoming World Summit in Tunisia. This is par for the course because the US can’t allow the just anyone to relegate how news is spread throughout the world.

As it is the only outlet that the residents in many countries have, regarding any semblance of free speech, the Internet provides the rest of the world access to real news. Bloggers, in particular, in places like the Middle East, provide us with real news; news that isn't pre-censored by the government. They give us an in depth look into what is truly happening in their countries, and how they truly feel about what is going on with them. Blogs like these are the only thing that separates the bullshit that is being hand-fed to the American public (such as flowers being thrown to the American soldiers in Iraq) by the government regulated press, and the reality of these situations (as we finally came to find out that those “flowers” are more commonly referred to as Molotov cocktails and hand grenades throughout the rest of the world).

Coleman said there was no "rational justification" for moving Net governance into any kind of UN framework. He said it would politicize and stifle the Net.

"Many aspects of running the internet have profound implications for competition and trade, democratization, and free expression," he said. "We cannot stand idly by as some governments seek to make the Internet an instrument of censorship and political suppression. We must stand fast against all attempts to alter the Internet's nature as a free and open global system," he added.

What Senator Coleman apparently fails to realize is that the "some governments" to which he refers are probably localized to his own backyard.

Granted, the countries that are being called into question are in question because of their own policies regarding freedom of speech. Places like China would, I’m sure, love nothing more than to limit the kind of information that is distributed by their country’s populace.

But, like it or not, the Internet free press will inevitably become censored anyway. Eventually the luxury that most Bloggers have, with regard to Internet free speech, will go the way of the dinosaurs; made extinct by way of a large meteor called World Government Censorship. This is why the mainstream government-controlled media is currently downplaying the validity of blogs as sources of newsworthy information.

To give the reader an idea as to the kind of free press I'm talking about, please check out Baghdad Burning, which is just one of the many blogs currently spilling out of Iraq without governmental media regulations. Reader, this is not dangerous information, this is the real news from the real people, who are right smack in the middle of the real and terrifying situation that is going on in Iraq. This, in effect, is what the government classifies as non-newsworthy because it is information they do not currently control. After the summit in Tunisia, however, the US may be one step closer to shutting the door in this sort of information forever.

For the most part, the US controlled news agencies are monitored by a government that wants its own public, as well as the rest of the world, to only know so much. The information they do grant us by way of "competing" news networks will always be relegated and purposely misconstrued by the government’s media standards. So, with this in mind, Senator Norm Coleman is obviously spinning the “freedom of speech” issue toward the US government's ascendency over alternative news sources.

We are currently involved in a Wag the Dog situation with this infringement upon free speech. While this sort of thing is going on, the media (both right and left biased) want you to be more concerned over the fact the President Bush has nominated Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court, or that his televised talk with the troops in Iraq was staged. While this is certainly interesting, it doesn't hold a candle to the probable impact of the upcoming UN summit in Tunisia that could affect the very way we communicate with each other.

AG

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Survey Study Shows US Teens Reject Key Freedoms


Horrid History

Oct 19, 1982 - Maverick carmaker John DeLorean is arrested in Los Angeles with $24M worth of cocaine in his suitcase. The case is later thrown out of court when a judge rules that the FBI sting operation constituted entrapment.

Oct 19, 1987 - The New York Stock Exchange suffers its worst crash in history, when the market suddenly loses $500B. The Dow Jones Industrial Average drops 22.6%, twice the amount of the 1929 crash.
(thanks to rotten.com)
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OK, first of all, I want to make something perfectly clear: It is my firm opinion that survey polls should never ... I repeat ... NEVER! be given to high school kids. With that being duly noted, I hereby grant to you the following evidence:

US Teens 'Reject' Key Freedoms

A significant number of US high-school students regard their constitutional right to freedom of speech as excessive, according to a new survey.

Over a third of the 100,000 students questioned felt the First Amendment went "too far" in guaranteeing freedom of speech, press, worship and assembly.

Only half felt newspapers should be allowed to publish stories that did not have the government's approval.

The US government has committed itself to spreading "freedom" abroad.

In his second inaugural address, President George W Bush said the survival of liberty in the US depended on the success of liberty abroad.

Some rights groups have however attacked his administration for restricting civil liberties in measures that followed the 9/11 attacks on New York and Washington.

'Dangerous ignorance'

The two-year, $1m survey across US schools - in which 8,000 teachers were also interviewed - suggested students held a number of misconceptions about the First Amendment, and were more censorious on some issues than their elders.

Some 83% of students polled felt people should be allowed to express unpopular views, as opposed to 97% of teachers.

Roughly half the students polled wrongly believed the US government had the right to censor the internet, while two-thirds believed it was illegal to burn the US flag - another misconception.

The president of the John S and James L Knight Foundation, which conducted the research, said: "Ignorance about the basics of this free society is a danger to this nation's future."

The survey concluded that better teaching and a bigger emphasis on student journalism could raise awareness of the First Amendment in American classrooms.

(as originally published)

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Totally Useless Tuesdays

Horrid History

Oct 18, 1945 - The USSR's nuclear program receives plans for America's plutonium bomb, courtesy of secret agent Klaus Fuchs at the Los Alamos National Laboratory.

Oct 18, 1968 - A police raid nets 168 grains of dope resin in the apartment of John Lennon and Yoko Ono. The couple is fined UKP 150.

Oct 18, 1974 - The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, based loosely on Ed Gein's story and originally titled "Headcheese," opens in theatres. One critic describes the film as "a vile piece of sick crap," containing "unrelenting sadistic violence as extreme and hideous as a complete lack of imagination can possibly make it." The movie is later banned in Germany and the UK, yet remains as a horror cult classic today.
(thanks to rotten.com)
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Totally Useless Tuesdays

To my faithful readers:

I'm beginning something new for your Tuesday reading faire. I get a lot of forwarded e-mails, some of them providing links to really funny or really interesting stuff. So, rather than just tossing these sites into my e-mail trash can after I laugh at them, every Tuesday (or at least until I get sick of doing it) I will provide some of the more interesting and funny sites to you. But first, here's a little sump'n-sump'n for the Fundie in all of us. Enjoy!

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
(thanks to evilbible.com)
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OK, this first link's validity will have to be decided upon for yourself. To any of you commentary-happy folks out there, who like to blast my points-of-view, please understand before clicking on the "comment" button below that this is not necessarily my opinion, I just thought it was interesting. - Was the Pentagon Struck by a Plane, or a Missel?

OK, now for some funny and just plain weird stuff:
Poke the Penguin - Just keep poking. Poke it, dammit! POKE! POKE! POKE!
Floating Woman - this one's just kinda creepy in a sadistic kind of way. You can use your mouse to catch her, and toss her around as you please.
Dancing Paul
Bunny Suicides - This one cracked me up!

I hope I brightened your day with this completely ineffectual information. We now return you to your previously scheduled alien mind probing.

AG

Monday, October 17, 2005

Burning Our Freedom

Horrid History

Oct 17 1984 - The New York Times runs an article entitled "CIA Primer Tells Nicaraguan Rebels How to Kill." The story describes the secret manual Psychological Operations in Guerrilla Warfare which the CIA furnished to the Contras in Nicaragua. The booklet instructed how to kidnap and assassinate civil officials, such as judges and police.

Oct 17 1989 - The Loma Prieta earthquake strikes the San Francisco Bay Area, killing 67 and causing billions in property damage. The 6.9 magnitude temblor manages to collapse a long section of the double-decker I-880 freeway, smushing motorists between the two layers. Part of the Bay Bridge also collapses. Worst of all, the quake postpones the third World Series game.
(thanks to rotten.com)
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Burning Our Freedom

Good morning world! And, a very good morning to Fairfield, Ohio, where they still believe in the sanctity of Old Glory, and if you don't, they’ll make sure that you learn your lesson but quick. Such was the case there with two fourteen year-old fire-happy boys, who found out for themselves that it's generally not a good idea to burn the American flag in front of a dead soldier's home, last July. (read the article here)

While I'll readily agree that these kids were palpable morons – they claimed that they were just fooling around, and they have also claimed ignorance to the fact that they were burning the flag in front of this particular home – I doubt that's the way the media may end up portraying this incident, and this is what has me worried.

According to Ohio state laws, it is illegal to burn the flag for the purposes of malicious intent or simple defacement. However, if the burning was done for reasons of protest then it is protected by the First Amendment. So, the media hounds being what they are, and the general God-fearing, flag-waving, Bush-worshipping masses being what they are, will depict and view flag burning as an illegal act.

Apart from of one's views about flag burning, the fact of the matter is that the act is still protected under the First Amendment. The irritant about this particular incident is that it may add credence to the court pleas that want to make flag burning a federal offence. So, then, it comes down to two choices: should the American public allow flag defacement, or the defacement of the fucking Constitution? Me? I'll take burning the thing that could serve as a bed sheet.

Personally, I wouldn’t burn the flag in protest. This is not to say that I don’t understand and empathize with protestors who do, but I happen to believe there are more effective ways of showing one's disgust for the country and it’s current policies. At any rate, I am much more resistant toward the changing of the Constitution. In effect, and I only write this here to reiterate the fact for my slower readers, our Constitution is the only thing that sets the US apart from any other totalitarian government. Without the Constitution, the American public retains nothing of our espoused freedoms, and we are left completely at the mercy of our government. In this particular day and age, when the government is presently doing everything in its power to overturn those rights anyway, that is a very dangerous idea.

Again, these two kids are obviously idiots, but I have to wonder if these fools have any idea as to the kind of fire they may have truly started?

AG

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Why Cheshire?

Dearest Reader,

OK, first things first. If you have any sense of democratic decency, then you need to donate some cash to moonthewhitehouse.com. Failing that, at least go check out the site. Remember, an act of rebellion a day keeps the totalitarians away.

In any case, hello and welcome (back?) to the Cheshire's Blog; a place where we realize that all your dreams can come true, granted that you're a white conservative faith-based Bush supporting republican neophyte.

I thought that I'd take today's blog to explain a little bit about what it is we do here at the Cheshire's Blog. First of all, "We" at the Cheshire's Blog consists mainly of myself and my cat, Voodoo. For the most part, the opinions expressed here at the Blog are the cat's, but as he remains somewhat computer illiterate, I am merely his secretary. Appropriate, then, that this blog is entitled the Cheshire's Blog, eh? Voodoo says this is to throw off the government bastards that are forever on his tail, but I think it's because he suffers from hebephrenic tendencies. Personally, I wanted to name the blog 'Mister Crankypants', but Voodoo just said, "What? That's a stupid idea! Sit down, shut up and type, slave, I have something to say about this whole Bush administration thing." Yeah, at times he can be quite the asshole.

Actually, the Cheshire's Blog came about because in July of this year I began writing a humor column for a Minnesota-based online magazine called The River Valley Reader. In keeping with the light-hearted ambiance of the magazine, RVR thought it would be a good idea for me to keep my political views to myself.

"Look, clown," said Nate, the chief editor of RVR, "you've got to stop pissing people off. You're here to do one thing and one thing only, pal: make me laugh. Now, dance little monkey, dance!"

Seriously, Nate is a great guy, and he has become a trusted fiend ... er, friend over the past few months. But, since there was no way in hell Voodoo was going to be able to keep his opinion to himself, I decided to create this blog in an attempt to further annoy conservative republican web surfers. Just doing our part to piss of the radical right.

So, what's with the obsession with the Cheshire? Well, it's really about my (unhealthy?) fixation with Lewis Carroll's Wonderland series. I am of the staunch opinion that Alice's Adventures in Wonderland is, by far, the best children's story ever created and the Cheshire Cat is my favorite character. A couple of years ago, this infantile fixation was further enhanced when I played a computer game that is loosely based upon the series called American McGee's Alice, wherein a deranged and orphaned Alice is thrust back into Wonderland. The Cheshire Cat in this game is a very different sort of cat than that of Lewis Carroll's, and I thought that, being the opinionated and often wry person that I tend to be, if I were to ever transform into any fictional character, then it would have to be this grinning sardonic cat. Besides, Voodoo told me to do it.

Anyway, Voodoo and I hope that you're enjoying the Cheshire's Blog. As long as we manage to retain the freedom of speech on the Internet, we promise to keep bringing you the best in slights against our Orwellian government, paranoid commentaries about UFOs and alien conspiracies, and the occasional movie or book review (I'll write those reviews when Voodoo is sleeping). If you'd like to put a little laughter into your day, please make my editor happy and visit the Cheshire's Grin at the River Valley Reader.

Yours grinning in a tree,
Alan (the Cheshire) and Voodoo (Evil Overlord)
My cat and master, Voodoo

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Another Orwellian Act


I thought this article was worth noting. Do yourself a favor and check it out: the Disaster Profiteering Act. In effect, this act will do away with tax payer protection and eliminate competition for the government. Just when you thought the Bush Administration had become as Orwellian as possible, along comes this thing. This Act, combined with the ever-popular Patriot Act, effectively removes any doubt that the American public has lost all control over the government and the validity of political policy regarding our rights. We are at the mercy of Big Government and their good buddy Big Business.

AG

Friday, October 14, 2005

Fate is Ignorance

Horrid History

Oct 14, 1959 - Actor and Nazi sympathizer Errol Flynn, dubbed "the most despicable human being yet born", dies of a heart attack in Vancouver's west end. Flynn slept with both Truman Capote and Howard Hughes.

Oct 14 1977 - During an anti-gay rally in Des Moines, Iowa, Anita Bryant gets hit in the face mid-prayer with a banana cream pie. Bryant finishes with custard dripping from her face: "Father, I want to ask that you forgive him and that we love him, and that we're praying for him to be delivered from his deviant lifestyle."

Oct 14 1977 - Crooning child abuser Bing Crosby dies on a golf course in Madrid, Spain. Since his death, two of his sons have committed suicide with a shotgun blast to the head (Lindsay in 1989, Dennis in 1991).

Oct 14 1985 - Respected Roman Catholic priest Gilbert Gauthe Jr. of Vermilion Parish, Louisiana, pleads guilty to molesting 11 boys and is sentenced to 20 years. The Catholic Church had been aware of his pederast avocation since 1973, but pretended not to. In the end, the church coughs up $5.5M in out-of-court settlements.
(thanks to rotten.com)
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Anyway ... Is it just me, or is everyone else absolutely insane? If you talk with some New Age freaks out there, they'll tell you that the whole world is going nuts because we're at the crux of the world's Endgame; that, essentially, insanity is necessary for this time period. While I'll readily admit that I once fell for this line of guru bullshit, it seems painfully obvious to me now that we are bringing about our own demise by way of acting like complete idiots.

There is no fate, and the human race is not necessarily destined to blow itself up, but it is apparent that this is what we want. Even the New Agers will tell you that the reason that there are so many people on the planet now is because souls are returning to this plane of existence for the opportunity to witness the end of the world.

We are certainly at a turning point in our developmental consciousness, which is obvious by the fact that we have sped along our technological development at comparable light speed over the past forty years. Beyond this, however, many of us are still living in the caves of our ancestors. Though we may sport the latest cell phones and iPods on our Batman-like utility belts, our brains have yet to compute the fact that other people may be different from us and that they may have a different view of the world than we do.

Really, all in all, who cares? For instance, why should the majority of the world care if gay people want to get married? I once heard a comedian say "why shouldn't they be just as miserable as the rest of us?" and, in a way, that's exactly my point about all of this. Why should we be so concerned over the lifestyle choices of others, when we can barely take care of ourselves? Perhaps, if we stop poking our nosy little noses into other people's problems, we might (just maybe) take care of our own and further develop our consciousness to meet with the rest of the universe.

I'm quite sure that there is life outside our little planet. I'm also sure that the reason that these beings have yet to make their presence formally known is because they understand that as soon as they do we'll declare war on them. What if, for example, the little Grey aliens have absolutely no problems with gay people? Would we overlook the historical landmark of their arrival because their ideologies don't fit with the Christian god's plan? Would we totally negate their existence because we believe ourselves to be "God's Chosen People"? Bubble this in your head, my dear Christian: What if they are God? What if it's true that we are God's Chosen because they have created us? Too blasphemous for your little brain to wrap around? Yeah, that's why they have yet to show up at the NATO summits.

AG

Thursday, October 13, 2005

And We Wonder Why?


Horrid History

Oct 13, 54 AD - Roman Emperor Claudius I consumes a favorite mushroom dish prepared by his fourth wife, Agrippina. What he does not know is that the meal is laced with the toxin of the Amanita phalloides mushroom. Feeling ill the next morning, Claudius summons his personal physician. Unfortunately, the doctor happens to be a co-conspirator in the scheme, administering a colocynth enema which kills Claudius instantly.

Oct 13, 1972 - Due to poor visibility, a Uruguayan Air Force plane carrying the Montevideo Old Christians Rugby Club crashes high in the Chilean Andes. Of the 45 people aboard the flight, only 27 survive the crash, and just 16 make it to their rescue 72 days later. Their secret? Cannibalism. According to one survivor, "the slight browning of the flesh gave it an immeasurably better flavor, softer than beef but with much the same taste." In 1993, director Frank Marshal (The Sixth Sense, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Back to the Future) decided to make a movie about the incident.

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And, We Wonder Why?

As some of you readers may already know, I am a collector of quotes. I believe that quotes allow us to understand the kind of person we're dealing with in any given situation. With this in mind, I think it's fair to say that George W. Bush has given us all more than ample warning. The following quotes are just a few examples:

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country." - George W. Bush

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." - George W. Bush

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'." - George W. Bush

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future." - George W. Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow." - George W. Bush

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world." - George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." - George W. Bush

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe, we are a part of Europe." - George W. Bush

"Public speaking is very easy." - George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." - George W. Bush

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." - George W. Bush

"For NASA, space is still a high priority." - George W. Bush

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." - George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." - George W. Bush

And, my all time favorite:
"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system." - George W. Bush

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

If It's Too Loud, You're Too Old

In my younger days, one of my favorite pastimes was to attend concerts. Rock concerts. Unimaginably loud rock concerts. Preferably the type that would turn your brain to jelly, and your legs into cooked spaghetti noodles. The kind that would leave your voice hoarse for a week, your ears bleeding, and the impulsion to run right out and party for the rest of the night. All while attempting to debate with your friends about how that show was, by far, the absolute most kick-ass band you’ve ever seen in your life. Of course, they would always want to challenge that fact, and we would spend the rest of the night drinking beer and trying to talk over one another with our raspy voices. None of us could really hear what anyone was actually saying, because we couldn't raise our voices loud enough to get past the after effects of the twenty-million decibels that had been thumping through our ears an hour earlier. If someone were to have walked into our conversation, they would have sworn that we sounded just like a bunch of chipmunks squabbling over a nut.

Now that I’m forty, life is very different. I have a home and a family, and I go to work each day dressed in a suit and tie where I employ these younger concert-going types, who now call me sir (evil little bastards!). However, I daily face a mid-life conundrum: Inside this Giorgio Armani shell, lives a kid in his twenties who wants nothing more than to bang his head next to a speaker the size of a Cadillac. The kid that lives in this middle aged creaky closet of mine has been pushing from the other side of the door since 1991, when I let him out to attend the last concert he's seen. Even then, it wasn’t one of those hard-rocking, head-banging, ear-bleeding type concerts. I took him to see Depeche Mode when they were on their Violator Tour. It was a decent concert, and good music for the time, but it wasn't heavy metal, and my inner-Kid Rock has been pissed off at me ever since.

In the 90's, the music world turned its back on the dark and depressing bands like the Cure and Depeche Mode, and combined rock and roll with melodic Goth to create a new musical genre called Industrial Alternative Rock. Trent Reznor started recording under the nom de guerre of Nine Inch Nails, which prompted an entirely new set of rockers to follow. Marilyn Manson was next to take the stage, then Korn, Tool, A Perfect Circle, and post-punk bands like Green Day. These outstanding bands have been causing my inner-child to lose his little mind for the past ten years.

Well, anyhow, last night I let him out of his responsible family man suit enclosure and took him to a Nine Inch Nails concert at the Excel Center in Saint Paul, and he came home crying. You see, just because he thinks he still bang his head with the best of them, what he had failed to realize is that he currently resides in a forty year-old body that tends to get cricks in its neck and is in dire need of a good chiropractor. Oh, he knows now! But it took taking him amongst the people, whom he thought were his peers, to get it through his delusional head-banging skull.

My wife (who is quite possibly the biggest NIN fan to walk the face of the planet) and I were able to attain box seats for the concert along with my boss and his wife, and we had all been waiting for the night with bated breath. There was a possibility that the concert would be cancelled, due to the absence of his drummer, Jerome Dillon, who had been hospitalized with a recurrent heart problem following the band’s September 28th concert in Sacramento. This left Reznor scrambling for a new drummer, and his fans worrying that they may not get a chance to see the band perform. Reznor finally settled on session player and hired gun, Alex Carapetis, who has played with the likes of Groove Theory and Lenny Kravitz. Even though Carapetis only joined up with the band on October 7th, and had very little time to prepare for the rest of the tour, he rocked as though he’d been with Nine Inch Nails since its conception.

One of the best things about the concert was the light show. Now, I know that a lot of people say this about whatever concert they attend, but I've been to many concerts and this particular show was far and above anything I've seen since perhaps Pink Floyd in the Eighties. Reznor incorporated his usual front screen display of visual effects along with the spectacular lighting, which included short clips of swimming protozoa, fighting baboons, nuclear explosions and George W. Bush. This, combined with his emblematic heart-thumping back beat of new songs like Only (voted as number one alternative song by Billboard last week) and old favorites like Sin and Reptile, made for the kind of night that my sequestered demonic rocker child has been dreaming about for years.

Nails finished their two-hour performance with the old classic Head Like a Hole, which left the audience on their feet and screaming the lyrics to the song. This is what finally pushed my voice over the edge, and as I was screaming with the rest of the eighteen to forty year-old crowd, I felt the moment when it happened. “Bow down before the one you serve,” I screamed, “you’re going to get what you deser - - ” SNAP! From that moment on, my voice sounded like a bad impersonation of Harvey Fierstein with a sore throat. But, voice or no, I sustained my adrenaline rush all the way home.

Today? Well, today is a different story altogether. Perhaps it’s due to the unsympathetic vibrations from the music, maybe it's because of the fact that I was screaming along with the rest of the audience, or it could be because my poor neck can no longer endure being thrown around in ways that it was never meant to move. But, even though my inner-child is completely satiated and incessantly singing the songs he heard last night, I feel like shit. I’m wiped to the very core of my being, and all I want to do is veg-out in front of the television and sip hot chocolate.

So, today I offer thanks to Nine Inch Nails for allowing me to be twenty-one again for just one night. I thank my boss, Terry, and his wife, Megan, for landing us the box seats (it was like having a private performance because no one else was in the box with us) and head banging right along with us the whole time. And to my inner-child I can only say, “I hope you had a good time too, young man. Now, get back in your cage and shut the fuck up!”

AG

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Home Remedies: Cheshire Style!


Horrid History

October 11th, 1978 - Former Sex Pistols bassist Sid Vicious stabs girlfriend Nancy Spungeon to death in room 100 of New York's Chelsea Hotel. Because Sid remembers nothing about the crime, theories include robbery and an abortive suicide pact. Vicious dies of an ugly heroin overdose shortly before his trial.

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Amazing Home Remedies - Cheshire Style!

I received this in an e-mail from my good friend. Thanks Bruce!

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

And, Remember:

  • Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  • Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
  • If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
  • And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Terrorism v. Rainbows

Horrid History

October 10th, 1991 – Disgruntled postal worker Joseph Harris kills four people in Ridgewood, New Jersey. First he brings an Uzi, pipe bomb, and a samurai sword to his supervisor's home, where he kills her and her fiancé. Then Harris visits the post office, shooting two coworkers. When he finally surrenders to police, the gunman is wearing a ninja costume and a gas mask. Thus, incorporating the term “Going Postal” to describe any time that a person feels the need to dress up like a ninja and stab his boss.

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Some people say that I'm too cynical for my own good. I've never really understood this because I don't see being cynical as a bad thing, I see it more as a way to cope with what will probably become the inevitable. Let me give you an example:

You finally get a day off from work and you are given the choice to hang out with a) your friend that always has a smile on his face and a song in his heart, or b) your friend that seems to constantly have a dark cloud hanging over his head and hopes for global annihilation just to get the whole damned thing over with. Who would you choose?

Personally, I wouldn’t have a friend with a song in his heart. These people live in a world of their own making, filled with butterflies and rainbows. They are not to be trusted. These are the kind of people who will tell you that everything’s going to be alright when your wife has left you, your dog has been hit by a train, the IRS is about to audit your income for the past ten years, and George Bush is reelected to run our world. “It’s OK,” they’ll tell you, “being president is a hard job and he’s doing the best he can.” These people are to be smacked upside the head at every given opportunity, and then sent along on their merry way.

Now, the doom and gloom character is much more likely to gain my vote of confidence. This is the guy who will smack YOU upside the head whenever you begin to feel good about the world, in an attempt to wake you up to the stark reality of your life and the world in which we live. This person is a true friend.

The problem isn’t with the cynics of the world, it’s with the people who confuse cynicism with pessimism. The differences being that, while the optimist sees the glass as half-full and the pessimist sees the glass being half-empty, the cynic suspects that the water is tainted with anthrax and that global terrorism is probably involved. Now, once the cyanide factor comes into play, the water level no longer makes any difference does it? You may walk away thirsty, but at least you’re able to walk!

Then, there are those special people out there who will tell you that cynics are really just paranoiacs. This, too, is incorrect. Cynics aren’t paranoid as much as they just tend to weigh the odds of survival more than most people. However, there are people who can be considered paranoiac pessimists, but they can usually be avoided because they’re easy to spot in a crowd. They’re the one’s who are usually seen standing on street corners with big crosses, a bullhorn, and a sign the reads: “Repent! The End is Coming Soon!” The cynic, on the other hand, wouldn’t carry a sign. He’s more likely to walk away, while shaking his head and mumbling, “That figures.”


AG

Sunday, October 09, 2005

The ADD World

Horrid History:

October 9th:
  • 1919 - The Cincinatti Reds win the World Series, but only because the key Chicago White Sox players agreed to throw the Series for $100,000 in bribes.
  • 1951 - RKO pictures asks Marilyn Monroe to wear panties while working.
  • 1987 - 24 boats equipped with Lowrance X-16 sonar units detect a large object at the depth of 606 feet beneath Loch Ness.
  • 1989 - Three aliens and their UFO visit Voronezh, USSR, according to the TASS news agency.

and finally ...
  • 1989 - The Hebrew edition of Penthouse magazine is released. Oy vey!

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OK, now that that piece of useless information is out of the way, I'd like to know why it is that people don't seem to read anymore? Oh, it's not as though the great publishing houses are about to slam shut their doors, and Amazon.com is still one of the bigggest companies in the world, but people just don't like to read anymore and this bothers me. It makes me wonder if there is any hope for humanity at all?

Is it because the great masters have been all but forgotten? I dare you to mention the name of Jack London to someone. Go ahead, do it now, I'll wait. ...

Back? OK, what was the look on his or her face? Did they look as though you had just splashed cold water on their face? Good! This is a sign of an honest person, who will in all likelihood inquire into the writings of our dear Mr. London - or, they'll at least Google his name to find out more. However, if the person casually tried to pass it off as though they knew exactly who you were talking about, as though they'd published The Call of the Wild themselves - even though you know that their personal library is comprised of an extensive porn collection, then these people are just plain irritating.

Unfortunately, I don't have the time right now to get into the finer points of illiteracy, and how it is affecting today's society. But, I do want to end this day's blog by stating that perhaps the reason our world seems so wrapped up in ADD is because the publishing world is so wrapped up in making money instead of doing their job: to encourage reading. Cutting off one's nose to spite their face is a lesson that the publishing monkeys must eventually learn, if they are to have any hope of staying in business.

AG

Friday, October 07, 2005

Can Human Beings and Fish Coexist Peacefully?

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Blame Bush?


So, OK, I know I said that I was going to take a couple weeks off, but I just have to comment on something that’s been bothering me. I know, I know, I was as surprised as you are that I felt the need to “suddenly” become opinionated, but here it is.

I want to comment on the fact that the media seems to be whining about the fact that everything is being blamed on George Bush. Did he just say “whining”? Yes, yes I did. The networks and the newspapers all seem to be pointing and laughing at the American public, who maintain the belief that Bush is still a goddamned idiot. Why, the news nitwits ask, does every bad thing in the world have to be immediately blamed on Bush?

Well, my dear CNN, Fox, MSNBC, brothers in arms et al, I’ll tell you: Because he IS to blame! And, by the way, Fox News may be right-wing biased, but at least they’re up front about it. CNN (formerly known as the Clinton News Network), on the other hand, just seems to be in denial of the fact that they’re just as bad.

Anyway, I’d really like to know the exact date that the current Bush supporters (if they were proponents of Dick Cheney, would they be called Dick Supporters? … sorry, it had to be said) will begin to awaken to the fact that Bush is really (are you guys ready for this?) not a very good president. There, I said it! It’s on my blog now, and I won’t take it back. You can’t make me! I won’t do it, and the CIA can just kiss my Bush-Blaming Butt! You CIA freaks wouldn’t even be in business today, if it weren’t for Bush and his Patriot Act.

Anyway ...

This one single man is responsible for so much hardship and catastrophe in the world that it’s hard not to blame him for everything from 9/11 to Katrina. But, with this in mind, can anyone of these Bush supporters tell me what (if any) good this president has done for the Untied States? For a guy who stands on a “What’s Good for America” platform, it seems to me that his only real concern is What’s Good for Oil.

Let me see if I can run down a short list, here:
  • An all but completely ruined economy that will take decades to truly overcome.
  • An illegal war spawned by lies he told the American people, the world and NATO.
  • An entirely fucked up educational system instated by him and his cronies that will ensure the dilapidation of the American society for longer than you or I will be alive.
  • And, now, he’s made sure that the current Supreme Court will make him more of a despotic totalitarian regime leader than a president of democracy – isn’t that the very reason that he sent our kids over to Iraq to die in the first place? To get rid of this sort of leadership? Or, was that his weapons of mass destruction excuse? I always forget.

I’m leaving out quite a few other little “faux pas” on this list, but you get my point: this guy has to be the worst president we’ve ever been stupid enough to elect … TWICE! Twice? Yes, twice, puddin' head.

Anyhow, so along with the media monkeys screaming unfairness about how Bush has been made the scapegoat for All That Is Bad, many Americans are following right along with the media masters by parroting the news broadcast bullshit.

“Bush didn’t send hurricane Katrina to kill poor black New Orleanians,” they say, which is invariably followed by a moment of silence. This silence, I believe, is in anticipation that the sane person may pop off with a great big “Yes, he did!” Which, of course, doesn’t happen because, well … we are sane. That doesn’t mean that we’re not thinking it, but we won’t usually say it because speaking this way to a Bush supporter only gives them more ammunition and everyone knows that imbeciles shouldn’t be allowed to play with guns, not to mention bullets.

“But, if you look closely enough, you’ll see that Bush really does care about the American people.” I love this one. In fact, I love it so much that ever time I hear one of these special cretins speaking this way, it makes me want to throw up on their shoes. The thing that blows my mind about these idiots is that many of them are poor people. Poor, redneck, sister-fucking idiots who believe that the right thing to do is to always stand for patriotism. Ok, I’ll buy that, but when your own government stands against that very patriotism, then the ONLY way to remain a patriot is to stand against your very un-patriotic government.

Did he just say “revolution”? Why, yes, I believe he did. But isn’t that exactly what the beat generation and the hippies of the Sixties kept going on about, when they weren’t stoned out of their minds? Why yes, yes they did. Did anyone listen back then? Nope, and that’s why we have people like George Bush in office today, and Malcolm X type revolutionaries are still considered uppity assholes by White House Right-wing Bush Regime standards.

"PATRIOT: The person who hollers the loudest but knows the least of what he's hollering about." -- Mark Twain

AG

Sunday, October 02, 2005

On Hiatus

Just a quick note to my readers:

I will be taking the next couple of weeks off. The job that tends to pay my bills is calling for more attention than usual, and all my free time will be used up for a while.

In the meantime, please cruise through the Cheshire's Blog archives to keep yourself busy, or alternatively, check out my weekly humor column at the River Valley Reader.

See you soon!
AG

Caption This! Contest Winner!

Congratulations Dave!
Dave is the lucky winner of this week's Caption This! Photo Contest! I can only guess at the depraved experience from which Dave drew to create this caption - perhaps he has a lot of experience with SBD's (silent but deadlies).
In any case, here is your winning Caption This! photo:

More to come in the next couple of weeks!

AG